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The Joke Thread

Last post 01-07-2009, 12:22 PM by Tallon41. 622 replies.
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  •  07-31-2007, 11:54 AM 123989 in reply to 98462

    Re: The Joke Thread

                   Two drunks stagger out of a bar completrely blasted and one drunk says to the other,  Is That The Sun Or Is That The Moon ???

              The other drunk says, How the hell should I know, I Don't live around this neighborhood !!!     Drunk


    " Fall seven times, stand up eight "

  •  07-31-2007, 11:58 AM 123994 in reply to 123504

    Re: The Joke Thread

    NNNNOOOOO,  its ground beef.
     

  •  07-31-2007, 12:12 PM 124006 in reply to 123504

    Re: The Joke Thread

    What did one elevator say to the other?

    "I think I coming down with some thing."

    ----------

    What did the big chimney say to the little one?

    "You're to small to smoke."

    -----------

    What do you do when you fart in church?

    Sit in your own pew


  •  07-31-2007, 11:21 PM 124525 in reply to 124006

    Re: The Joke Thread

    One night a bus driver gets drunk before going on his rounds. As he is driving he suddenly runs over a women and kills her. Whos fault is it, The bus drivers for being drunk? or the womans for being out of the kitchen?

    *Insert funny comment here*
  •  08-01-2007, 12:13 AM 124578 in reply to 124525

    Re: The Joke Thread

    They say that Athens was founded by Amazons....'course I don't think they'd-of lost it in the first place.....

     


    What weight does your Spirit have to be in order to be considered "heavy" ?
    ----------------------Me
  •  08-01-2007, 1:08 AM 124605 in reply to 124578

    Re: The Joke Thread

    What do you call?

    4 blonds standing in a row?    wind tunnel.

    2 blonds in a freezer?  frosted flakes.

     

    a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean, bob

    a guy with  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ on a porch, matt

     

    why do blonds take so long to do there hair?  the shampoo bottle says rinse, lather, repeat.    rinse, lather, repeat.   rinse, lather, repeat.   


    BioShock_sig
  •  08-01-2007, 1:17 AM 124613 in reply to 123481

    Re: The Joke Thread

    Ahh, Funny thread. keep going. I spend my leisure time here.



  •  08-01-2007, 6:56 AM 124667 in reply to 124613

    Re: The Joke Thread

        A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
     
        Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon the voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
     
        Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.
    Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
    The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child puzzle of the Cookie Monster.
       
        When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"
    The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

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  •  08-01-2007, 1:56 PM 125059 in reply to 124667

    Re: The Joke Thread

    A man approaches a hot blonde sitting at the bar. He looks up at the news on the tv and sees a suicidal man standing on the ledge of a building.

    Just to make small talk the man says, "I'll bet you five bucks he jumps."

    "I'll take that bet," replies the blonde.

    Just then the suicidal man jumps off the building.

    "I can't take your money," said the man at the bar. "I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news."

    "Well I did too," said the blonde in amazement. "I just didn't think he would do it again!"


    Don't shake the baby!
  •  08-01-2007, 2:23 PM 125084 in reply to 124525

    Re: The Joke Thread

    PirateKing:
    One night a bus driver gets drunk before going on his rounds. As he is driving he suddenly runs over a women and kills her. Whos fault is it, The bus drivers for being drunk? or the womans for being out of the kitchen?

    Pretty bad joke there (bad taste lol)

    heres another

    What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? 


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  •  08-01-2007, 2:29 PM 125094 in reply to 125084

    Re: The Joke Thread

    Nothing, somebody has already told her twice.

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  •  08-01-2007, 2:33 PM 125102 in reply to 125094

    Re: The Joke Thread

    A Chineese man walks into an optometrist to get his eyes checked because he's been having vision problems.  After the standard exam the optometrist says - I've found the problem, you have a cateract.  The Chinaman says no I don't, I drive a Rincoln Continental.

    Intel Core 2 Duo Q6600, Artic Cooler 7 CPU fan
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  •  08-01-2007, 2:52 PM 125116 in reply to 125102

    Re: The Joke Thread

    What's the first thing a woman should do when she leaves the battered womans shelter? (really bad tasteBig Smile)

    Don't shake the baby!
  •  08-01-2007, 3:12 PM 125131 in reply to 125116

    Re: The Joke Thread

    The dishes if she knows what's good for her!

    -sorry for the double post but I gotta go to class.


    Don't shake the baby!
  •  08-01-2007, 3:39 PM 125147 in reply to 124667

    Re: The Joke Thread

    defiledfrog:
    There in the center is a beautifully framed child puzzle of the Cookie Monster.

    [cookie monster voice]

    Did somebody say COOKIE ?  I LOVE COOKIES !


    What weight does your Spirit have to be in order to be considered "heavy" ?
    ----------------------Me
  •  08-01-2007, 10:33 PM 125395 in reply to 125147

    Re: The Joke Thread

    In an effort to amke amends for my wife-beater joke, I offer this.

    Q. What's pink and fluffy
    A. Pink fluff

    Q. What's blue and fluffy
    A. Pink fluff being strangled by its husband. 

    (man, that's not really how the joke goes, but I couldn't help it. Sorry. Sort of.)Smile


    Don't shake the baby!
  •  08-01-2007, 11:06 PM 125417 in reply to 125395

    Re: The Joke Thread

    old school

    What's Black and White and Red all over? 


    BioShock_sig
  •  08-01-2007, 11:15 PM 125419 in reply to 125417

    Re: The Joke Thread

    lol...nothing.  it's red all over, not black and/or white.

    What weight does your Spirit have to be in order to be considered "heavy" ?
    ----------------------Me
  •  08-02-2007, 12:38 AM 125452 in reply to 125419

    Re: The Joke Thread

    AAAHHHHHH!!! I love the oldies!

    The News Paper!

    Black print, white paper, Read all over the world.      Eeehaa


    BioShock_sig
  •  08-02-2007, 1:00 AM 125463 in reply to 125452

    Re: The Joke Thread

    three muslim women were talking,

    the first said "here is a picture of Mohammad he would have been 18 this year, but he became a martyr last year.

    the second said "this was Abdul the would have been 19, he became a martyr last year too.   

    the third woman said " ahhh.... they blow up so young these days!" 


    prophet42

  •  08-02-2007, 10:20 AM 125709 in reply to 125463

    Re: The Joke Thread

    Did you hear about the three blonds who drown in the back of thier truck when it was driven into the river?

     

    They couldn't get the tailgate open. 


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